Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
