I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
