I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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