So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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