we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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