Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
