hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
