Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
