Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
