JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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