That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
