so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
