I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
