there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
