$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
