Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
