Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
