make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
