o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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