she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
