How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
