Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
