I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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