I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
