God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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