you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
NoShamevember. You game?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
