Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
