My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
