My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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