You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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