i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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