I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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