I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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