I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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