I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
