btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
