cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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