This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
