Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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