You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
