yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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