Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
