"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
