just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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