the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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