I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
