Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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