He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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