the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
