We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
