If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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