I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
