Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
