When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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