how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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