Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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