just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
