The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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