I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
